I may be a week late for Valentine’s Day, but I just wanted to write about a very important person in my life, and I’m sorry if I get really gushy or anything during this post. I’d like anyone who reads this post to keep their dinner down, and if you can’t handle gushy lovey stuff, sorry.
My boyfriend and I have been dating over a year now, and everyday I learn to love him more and more. Before we started dating, we were friends, and before we were friends, we talked as more than friends, but never grew serious. Here’s why. That was a time in my life, AKA junior year in high school, where I may or may not have been scared of commitment. One thing after another happened and I had decided that dating was not for me anymore. I told him that when I sensed sparks flying between us before in the summer before my senior year; He understood and didn’t push me. But we still talked, and before long, things got complicated and we stopped talking for a while. After that, I tried really hard to move on, for I started developing feelings for him right at the very end and we had cut things off between us, so I couldn’t have those feelings anymore. I met another guy online and we started doing an online dating relationship. It was working well for a while, but my now boyfriend was still in the picture. He was my best friend at the time, and we still talked about everything going on in our lives because we became close friends.
Then, something happened.
I was meeting my online boyfriend in person for the first time in about a month at the time. He mentioned something that meant rushing our relationship; a promise ring. I freaked out, because, as mentioned before, I was scared of committing. Don’t get me wrong. I was a bit committed to this guy, but a promise ring represented was a commitment on a whole other scale. This meant I actually thought about spending my whole life with this guy. It was ridiculous. It was too soon. It was SCARY.
So guess I went to go talk to about it? My boyfriend. Not the one at the time, but my current boyfriend.
He was all ears. He sat across from me as I talked to him about it over lunch, and I was all sorts of upset. I honestly don’t even think upset summed up the feelings that were going on in me then. He was patient, and when I was talked out, he started giving me advice, with soft words and steady, consistent guidance. As I began to calm down, I took in everything he said and let it sink in. Right before I realized he was holding my hands and keeping steady eye contact.
But you know what. I actually liked it. And I looked into his eyes and thought, His brown eyes are just amazing.
Shit. I was still in love with him.
So, after our talk, I was in an awful situation. I was with a guy I didn’t even love, and my best friend was the one that I was in love with. What could I do? I didn’t want to break up with the boyfriend I had at the moment and use the reason that I was in love with my friend. I was most definitely not going to cheat. So, I do what I usually do in situations that I have to make a choice in. I wait. I sit patiently and I wait.
Then, the boyfriend came to my town, and I met him for the very first time. Everything was going okay, but one thing after another thing happened. By the third day, I broke up with him. He was upset with the breakup needless to say (that is, until he started online dating one of my other friends not even two weeks later). This breakup happened the night before Christmas Eve by the way.
So, disappointed of yet another failed relationship, I spent most of that Christmas Eve in sober numbness. I don’t know why, looking back on it. I wasn’t even in love with him, but it just hurts knowing that relationships you put your time in failed. Anyways, I decided that there was only one person I wanted to talk to. Him.
I wanted to talk to him.
So, I texted him, and we had a long conversation. He told me I was strong and brave to be even talking to anyone at that point. I told him the truth about everything. How I loved him. How I pushed my feelings away. How I was scared and did not know what to do with my feelings. I spilled it out.
Then, what he said next shocked me. He had been in love with me too.
And on Christmas Day in 2015, we started dating and took on a year long adventure on learning how to love unconditionally, laugh endlessly, and support each other. I learned more from my boyfriend than I have from anyone in my life, and he gives me joy in times where I don’t feel like smiling, and in times of joy he only makes me smile bigger. I do not regrets waiting to be with him, because in those months beforehand, I learned that I needed him.
So it is almost a day before our 14 month anniversary, and tonight when I was with him, I looked over at him while he was playing video games, and I thought of how lucky I truly was that he stuck around. He truly was my favorite Christmas present, and I am so glad that I met him when we were in high school. The best part is that now that all of that pain and waiting is over, I know now that we will truly be okay.